unfuckingbelieveable

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There’s something about Disney

Walt Disney, a charming man.

Disney understands me

as Filipino princess pushing Snow White and Pocahontas VHS’ into the tape players.

And in my O’Farrell days, snippets of The Little Mermaid played every afternoon in my household for a month.

Pocahontas was my role model in my toddler years. Granted, I had ivory skin, but her brown skin and flowing stick straight black hair reminded me of Pilipino culture. Mostly, I loved what she preached: to paint with all the colors of the wind—which i have a vague idea of what it means.. but also: ‘how high does the sycamore grow? if you cut it down, then you’ll never know’

it’s cheesy, but a powerful line. i find that.. it’s me who seems to cut my own dreams short. no one else. there’s times, especially at Berkeley where i feel un-able

and that’s where Ariel climbs on in.

Naturally, as a San Diegan, I love the water. I love the beach, I love the sun. I love the fishies. I studied Marine Bio at COSMOS UCI 2009 and wrote my entrance essay based on my passion for underwater life and inquisitions on mermaids. Truth is, I admire her because Ariel and I share the same yearning. and passion. 

it touches me so much that i cry thinking while about it ..and also while riding her Undersea Adventure at California Adventure (ha ha). i dont know what it is..

here’s this chick. she’s a mermaid. in love with an idea, a man from a whole ‘nother universe. 

she’s damn naive, it’s true. but she knows what she wants. and she wants it so badly she’d cut her fins with a double edged sword just to attain it.

wat scares me is that and in the end, Eric marries someone else and Ariel essentially withers away. What hurts, is that she gave up pieces of her for a chance to be with Eric; her tail, her family, her tongue and voice. and each step she took was hard, hard work: felt like she was stepping on pins and knives.. but she glided.

she didn’t let anyone know what pain she was in and still danced with Eric because he wanted to dance with her. 

It’s synonymous to the dedication and hard work i put in to be here at Cal, amazingly. because i’m not the applicant with the qualifying SAT score, ACT score, or fabulous GPA. i’ve always felt invincible and charmed, and here i notice.. maybe i’m not. or am i? they selected me not because of what numbers i didn’t have, but the other attributes I did posses—and the potential to triumph all possibilites.

it’s just the insecurity inside of me that scares me that all my hard work may not be good enough at the end. so i need to know what it takes, then go beyond that to ensure I earn my ultimate dream.. and fulfill God’s plan for me.

I’m the “fake it til i make it” but there’s no room for faking now.

At Morse, some friends divulged I have a “pink aura” or there’s a “certain aura” that lures them to me. I’m special, and it’s frightening for me to accept that I attend a school teeming with special people with their own aura. It boils down to my own self-esteem and considering if I’m good enough, or strong enough, smart enough, courageous enough, and able.

Don’t get me wrong, a university brimming with unique individuals each having something special to offer is beautiful. That’s where I’ll meet my friends/ soul mates, and essentially competition.

Going to Disneyland this weekend and sharing Disney marathons with Samairie and the Pantaleon fam refreshed me on what it is that I love about Disney.

Disney’s inspirational. Ariel’s sacrifice and Pocahontas’ courage. 

I won’t be afraid or insecure anymore.

I mean, come on.. it’s Daysha. ;)

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idle hands are the devils play-thing

i feel useless doing nothing. 

my brain is literally rotting. i can feel it. to be completely honest, it’s pissing me off.

focusing is a problem.

my brain storms up a network of ideas. i open several tabs on google chrome—become overwhelmed by all the information loading—of all the different subjects and things i’d like to learn—thing’s i should relearn (chem 1a).. and chores i should do: resume, undergrad opportunities.. figure out my damn major(s), etc.

all the commercials that change every 20-30 seconds encourage shortened attention spans.

like a dog.

like a boy.

and all this unhealthy food..

im slowly poisoning myself.

i forgot that

i’m a student.

for the next years of my life, i am a student. and the decisions i make

are dependent on my needs as (not only a college student) but a Cal student.

to flourish, to finish, to flourish, to finish.

i envy my cousins who graduated UCI and UCR in 3.5 then 3 yrs, respectively. 

do whatchu gotta do, but simultaneously enjoy it.

it’s not that i’m pressured to graduate early.. just on time. but the pressure i impose on myself 

to accomplish each number on my academic/ life bucket list

it’s pretty damn overwhelming. i think i just need faith in myself and belief that it’ll work out, God willing.

time to fuel my own motivation